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"Tiny Hands" is not an Equality Anthem

1/19/2017

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Much of my work as an educator, researcher, and activist centers on gender equality. I have organized marches, protested outside of courthouses, and directed The Vagina Monologues. I have trained crisis volunteers and facilitated discussions about sexual objectification in “Blurred Lines.” I teach courses on ending gender violence and talk to audiences about rape culture. I am obsessed with Wonder Woman. But friends, let me clear: “Tiny Hands” is not my anthem. And it shouldn’t be yours.
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​I support art and protest as an avenue for social change, and I believe in the freedom of expression. So it follows that Fiona Apple (whose Extraordinary Machine album is brilliant, by the way) has a right to create politically-motivated music that reflects her views on the fact that our new president has said downright awful things about women. Things that suggest it is ok to grab women inappropriately or at least talk about doing it if one is trying to reinforce their manliness. It’s not just locker room talk. It’s disgusting, and we have a right to be angry.


But when you march down the street this weekend, rally at your state capital next month, or Take Back the Night this April, I hope you strongly reconsider “Tiny Hands” as your rallying cry. Though “we don’t need your tiny hands anywhere near our underpants” is catchy, it actually undermines the very principles of women’s movement and gender equality. Here’s why.

First, attacking Donald Trump for his alleged penis size is not only cheap, lazy, and completely unrelated to real criticisms that one might bring against him—it actually reinforces the kind of rigid gender roles many of us in this movement try to deconstruct. One of the underlying assumptions of gender inequality is that, as a society, we have unrealistic expectations for who a man or woman should be. And when we fail to live up to them, we get a pushback. Women get called bitches for being too assertive. Men get called bitches and pussies and slew of gay slurs for crying at movies, not drinking enough beer, or not being tough enough. 

This system can work great for you if you follow the rules, stay within the boundaries of your society-deemed gender, and do whatever you can to maintain your womanly-woman or manly-man image. And the pressure to stay in these rigid gender boxes means that people—especially men—often take defensive and offensive measures to maintain these images at all costs. We’ve seen how this played out in the presidential primary. In response to Donald Trump’s diminutive nickname for Marco Rubio, Rubio’s response was to attack Trump’s hand (ahem, penis) size. It was a battle of masculinity, and may the best display of manliness win. Right?
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​Though I appreciate the doubly-layered consent and reproductive rights message of not wanting “hands anywhere near our underpants,” the penis size attack seems hypocritical as a rallying cry if we really believe that loosening up rigid gender roles is central to achieving gender equality. Hypocritical, and low. Literally below the belt low.
 
Second, an attack on penis size is a form of body-shaming I just cannot get behind. It wasn’t cool when New Girl did that terrible episode that mocked what the gang referred to as a guy’s “micropenis,” it wasn’t funny when naked Trump statues perpetuated discrimination based on body and genital size, and it isn’t at all ok to mock the bodies of people who identify across the transgender spectrum. So what makes it different now?
 
A central focus of social movements focused on equality is undoing harmful power dynamics that keep the dude with the tiny hands down and the dude with the big hands up. It’s not about switching the power dynamics so that tiny dude walks all over big dude, but about changing the conditions of the arrangement so that little dude can enjoy the same freedoms and privileges as big dude. It’s about equal opportunity, freedom from discrimination, and a better quality of life.
 
When we make attacks based on penis size, we’re using an assumption of perceived lack of masculinity to make ourselves seem superior. And we’re doing it through body-shaming. It’s like telling a fat joke to make yourself feel skinnier and more powerful. Would we incorporate a fat joke into our march chant? I don’t think so.
 
Third and finally, making “Tiny Hands” our feminist anthem only functions to re-position Donald Trump at the center of our efforts. Though his comments have certainly been a catalyst for renewed activist energy, making him the focus of women’s rights by chanting about his penis over and over seems misguided. Change those lyrics to grabby hands and I’m more on board. Start a round of “I am woman, hear me roar” and I’ll even join you.
 
All I am saying is that, fellow activists, we can do better this. We can do better than penis size attacks and body-shaming and insults to make ourselves feel temporarily superior. We can be angry and clever and effective without being hypocritical. We can march to an anthem that is consistent with our goals of genuine equality. We can rise, but not at the expense of our integrity.
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Castrating an Ohio Rapist

9/11/2016

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​As an Ohioan who lives a matter of minutes from Brock Turner, I wanted to throw up when I heard he had been released from his joke of a prison sentence and had returned to the area. My area.
 
So when I heard that there was a very disgruntled welcome party surrounding his parent’s house, I wasn’t surprised. When a high profile case hits home, our safety can feel threatened and our anger more fueled because this horrible thing that someone did impacts our own community. Our friends and families. Our college students. Our kids. The illusion of our safe little suburb is broken when we realize a rapist lives down the block or around the corner. That he might do here what he did to a woman in California. It’s terrifying.

​Our anger about this case—and about sexual violence more broadly—is absolutely justified. But I must admit I'm uncomfortable with the messages armed protesters communicated to Turner and arguably, potential rapists in our region with their signs: things like “Castrate rapists” and “If you try this again, we will shoot you.” These statements advocate a powerful, bold stance against sexual violence, but they also reflect societal perceptions about rape that aren’t necessarily productive for actual, effective prevention and response.

I applaud the fact that people are mad and willing to do something to let other people know that. The outrage of these protestors draws more needed attention to the issue of rape, which is something I believe all of us as a culture should be much angrier about. I also support free speech and acknowledge that it is completely within the rights of these individuals to open-carry and express their perspectives. And yes, Turner should have been held more accountable for his despicable actions. 

But I also wonder whose interests are best supported with a protest like this. One might argue that justice has already been served (though poorly) because Turner did the time for his crime. Realistically speaking, his case actually represents somewhat of a success of our legal system. Hard to stomach, I know. Our criminal justice system is so incredibly messed up that he is part of the mere 3% of rapists who serve prison time—primarily because so few people report sexual violence, reports aren’t always taken seriously by police, investigations aren’t always thorough, charges don’t often lead to convictions, and convictions may not even result in prison sentences. In this case, the major issues involved loopholes in the law and a judge who did not understand the dynamics of sexual violence. But Turner still served time. It’s not enough, but it is something. Turner benefits from our crappy criminal justice system, but it is not his fault the system sucks. It’s ours.
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​What would it mean if all of the time and energy spent protesting Turner was redirected into demanding better laws, mandatory education about rape for judges and elected officials, more training for police officers, and forums for discussing the impact of gender violence in our communities and what we can do about it? What if it meant seeking support to create rape crisis centers that can respond to the needs of those impacted by sexual violence and spearhead crucial prevention efforts in our schools and on our college campuses? Dayton does not have a rape crisis center, by the way. Don’t tell Brock. 


Unfortunately, we can’t control whether or not this guy rapes again. He probably will: research shows that most dudes who rape do it repeatedly, and Turner fits the bill. 

Is castration the answer? No. Another Debbie Downer fact for you: even when castration has been used to treat sex offenders, there has been no evidence that it actually cures anything. This is probably because rape isn’t causes by a disease, the people who commit it aren’t necessarily “sick,” and penises are not the epicenter of some kind of gender violence gene scientists have discovered in people who commit rape. In actuality, our culture produces rapists in the ways that we cling to traditional gender roles that, in their extremes, lead to dangerous expressions of masculinity at the expense of others’ rights to bodily agency and safety. We support rapists when we normalize sexual violence in various forms of media, minimize the daily reality of rape or the threat of it for a huge proportion of our population, victim-blame and slut-shame people who have experienced sexual violence, and refuse to believe that rape is as pervasive and widespread as it is. 

For every Turner, there are thousands more rapists out there. I know: I worked at a crisis center for several years and struggled with carrying the detailed knowledge of so many situations—including the names of rapists and who they had attacked and where these things had happened—that I could not share with anyone because of necessary and important confidentiality laws. These things happen everywhere whether we are aware of it or not, and they happen much more often than we realize. Every community does not need a Brock Turner to get enraged about that. But we do need to back up our anger with the time, energy, and resources crucial for transforming our cultural acceptance of rape and supporting individuals who have experienced sexual violence. 

The threat of vigilante justice might feel cathartic in the short term, but real change requires a deep investment in comprehensive gender violence prevention and victim-centered services. Forget castrating Brock Turner. Let’s cut out the disgusting parts of our culture that minimize, normalize, and encourage sexual violence. That’s the kind of castration I can get behind.

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To demand better rape prevention and response efforts in Dayton, OH, contact:
Mayor Nan Whalen
Senator Rob Portman
Senator Sherrod Brown
Representative Michael Turner
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    Jenn Freitag, Ph.D. is an educator, activist, scholar, and performance artist committed to ending gender violence. 

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